


Rise of a Prince

by idrilhadhafang, MidgardianNerd



Series: The Broken Edge AUs [25]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Armitage Hux Being An Asshole, Armitage Hux is a Jerk, Attempted Dark Poe, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Child Abuse, Creepy Snoke (Star Wars), Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Fantasies and fantasizing, Fantasy, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Gay Male Character, Gay Poe Dameron, Hate to Love, Holdo is a bit of a jerk, Huddling For Warmth, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Innuendo, Jedi Mind Trick, Kidnapping, Leia Organa's A+ Parenting, M/M, Male Slash, Male Solo, Manipulation, Masturbation, Mind Control, Mind Manipulation, Mistaken beliefs about a character, Mistaken for Being in a Relationship, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Past Child Abuse, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Prince Ben Solo, Protective Ben Solo in a weird way, Protective Poe Dameron, Rivals to Lovers, Sexual Fantasy, Snoke Being a Dick, Snoke is Ben’s second father, Virgin Ben Solo, abuse is all on snoke’s end, and a loose way, kidnapped Ben solo, kidnapped poe, manipulative Snoke, mistaken Poe Dameron/Leia Organa, shameless Female gaze, wizard snoke
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2017-11-10
Packaged: 2019-01-07 07:09:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 16,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12228048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidgardianNerd/pseuds/MidgardianNerd
Summary: Once upon a time, there lived a prince in a shining castle. He was essentially an outcast in his own kingdom save for a few friends, and had a rival in his mother's most daring knight. When the sinister Lord Snoke invaded the Organa kingdom, all had to stand up to defend it. This is his story.





	1. Invasion Plans

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author's Notes: Made a photoset for the story here: https://ladyofleithian.dreamwidth.org/998794.html. Also, this first chapter is more setting up the conflict, but I'll get to Ben and co. soon enough.

There always was something about the matter of Lord Snoke's fortress on Milara that was enough to unnerve General Hux. 

The fortress itself was a menacing place, dark and spiky, the towers jutting up into the sky like sharp teeth, and entering the throne room, it was painted red. Red, which reminded Hux of blood, or a dawn sky. The throne itself was in the shadows, but Hux could make out the hints of a face, a skeletal, pale face with eyes that seemed to dissect him. 

Hux stopped before Snoke, and it was there that he bowed. 

"My Lord," he said. 

"Well, General," said Snoke, his voice rumbling, deep, almost like the prelude to an avalanche. "How goes the mission?"

"The mission was a success, my Lord," Hux said. "The city has fallen. It is now under the control of your empire."

"Excellent." Snoke's voice was almost a purr even as he spoke. "With each passing moment, the Milaran Empire only grows in glory."

Hux didn't say aloud that he would rule this empire better. He didn't need to. He kept his mind shielded, as he always did. A good strategist needed to find the right time to strike. Hux just needed to find the right time. 

"We have an enemy that we still must fight," Snoke said. "The Organa Kingdom still stands in our way. The longer they stand, the more likely it is that we will fail in our mission. We must fell them."

"The army on Starkiller is ready, my Lord."

"Excellent," Snoke said. "Go. Oversee preparations. You will be heading to Hosnia to deal with the rebels there, in the village."

"It will be done, my Lord."

Hux left, and deep inside, he could not help but feel a certain sort of excitement. The idea of crushing the loathsome rebels and the odious Organa empire was enough to make him feel righteous. Justified. Enough to fill him with energy, with invigoration. The world deserved stability, and certainly not from the Organa empire.

***

It was in the darkness of his throne room that Snoke had time to think. The truth was, he had not revealed everything to Hux. There was something more. There was the prince of the Organa kingdom, who had a substantial gift. Even the sheer scope of it, the balance between Light and Dark magic, was extraordinary. 

He'd watched from the shadows, of course. He knew that the prince was lonely, terribly so, save for a few friends. He knew that the prince was essentially an outcast in his own kingdom. When Snoke found him, he was never going to worry about such things as loneliness again. Not once, not ever. 

Snoke would have him as his apprentice soon enough. For now, Snoke waited in his kingdom, in his throne room, and bided his time. 


	2. Slaying Dragons For You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we meet Ben and co.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author's Notes: Mike's views about Poe here are not my own. Let's say he's being kind of a jerk here, and Ben will learn differently about Poe later on. That's all.

The day that Snoke invaded was effectively the day that Ben's world was turned upside down. 

It felt like just about everyone Ben knew was coming there just to sign up for the war effort. Ben looked over at his friend Liana, and said, "Do you think it's going to be really bad?"

"It sounds like it," Liana said. "I don't think that I've ever heard of anything like it."

Across from them, Sir Poe was talking with the Queen herself, and Ben couldn't help but feel a miserable stab of jealousy. They seemed so comfortable together, so easy together. His mother was never like that for Ben. 

"...and I promise, my lady," Poe said, "We'll see this through to the end, even if it means we have to slay dragons to do it."

Michael sighed. "Great. Maybe we can have a wedding afterwards -- if the king doesn't mind."

"Yes, I really needed that image," Ben said sarcastically. "Thank you. Never mind that she would never be unfaithful to my father."

Michael shrugged. "I did say 'trying'."

"So, that aside," Liana said, "What do you think he's trying to do?"

"I have no idea," Ben said. It would be easy to say that Poe Dameron was one of the types who would want glory. But the truth was, Poe did have a streak of good intentions in him, which did make Ben occasionally feel guilty being cruel about him. Occasionally. Other times, he couldn't help but hate Poe Dameron. Perfect Poe Dameron, who probably never had to worry about pleasing a parent, who all but had people in the kingdom all but thinking he was a god, who his mother just favored naturally, like he was her own son. Her preferred son, Ben thought bitterly. Meanwhile, he was just pathetic, not terribly handsome (not all and out hideous, but hardly handsome. Plain was more like it; he never had his father's roguish handsomeness or his mother's dark-featured beauty, he didn't have his grandfather or grandmother's looks either. He was plain, large-nosed, soft featured, freckled and pale), not terribly talented, not really much of anything except maybe a danger to those around him. Dangerous, his mother thought of him. She never said it out loud, but Ben could definitely feel it in terms of her thoughts, in terms of the way she looked at him. 

Mostly he was just pathetic. 

Michael shrugged. "He's a show-off."

"Michael!" Liana said. 

"Well, it's true," Michael said. "You know how he is." He put his hands on his hips and launched into an impression of Poe that sounded especially pompous and sing-song.

" 'I'm Sir Poe and I don't give a donkey's behind about anyone but myself and my own glory.'"

"Well, surely he's not doing it because of that," Liana said. 

"Exactly," Ben said. 

"You're right," Michael said. He launched back into his Poe impression. " 'I'm Sir Poe and I want to get into the queen's -- '"

Ben got up and left. 

***

It was out in the gardens that Sir Poe took one last look at the castle he was going to be leaving, already agitated. His horse, Barlow, or as Poe called him, BB, nudged in concern at him. Barlow was a beautiful horse, a medium sized horse with an orange-ish coat. 

"I'm okay," Poe said. "Just..." He sighed. "Michael Padick's an idiot."

Barlow snorted as if in agreement. Sometimes, Poe thought, horses could be better than people. 

It wasn't like Poe actually cared about what Ben's idiot of a friend thought about him. Well, maybe a little bit. He wasn't trying to court the Queen; if there was anyone that Poe would want to court, it would be Ben. 

The problem was that the prince hated him. He couldn't say why, but he also couldn't say why Ben surrounded himself with such awful people either. Maybe it was just Ben. A lot of people in the kingdom didn't like Ben very much, and Ben had mostly taken refuge in...well, these people. 

There were footsteps, and the prince came out. He was a tall man, vastly taller than Poe, taller than a lot of people, actually. His footsteps were heavy in the garden despite being a slim if very muscular man. He was big, Poe thought. Very big. And yet there was something about his beautiful face that was also strangely delicate in features. Some people called Ben ugly, but Poe couldn't agree with that. 

In fact, Ben was probably one of the most beautiful people that Poe had ever seen, but Poe doubted he could say it out loud. Ben was a prince; words like these would be impossible. It only got him angrier with Padick; that man had no clue about him, let alone why he was going off to war --

"You here to finish what he started?" Poe said wryly. 

"Actually, no." The prince brushed his hair out of his eyes -- curly, thick, black hair that was almost effortlessly lovely. "The idea of you having relations with my mother is an image I prefer not to entertain."

"Well, I'm not planning on it."

"That's good to know." The prince paused. "You don't have to leave."

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you already missed me."

"I -- " The prince looked like he was looking for a good response. "I don't," he said. "I just don't want you to get killed out there."

"So yes, then?"

The prince closed his eyes and sighed. "Walk with me?"

"A walk with his highness himself?" Poe said lightly. "How can I resist?"

They walked. The roses were particularly beautiful in the gardens this year, and Poe wondered what it would be like getting one for the prince -- but it was best not to disturb the gardens. "I didn't agree with what Michael said about you," Ben said. 

"I thought as much," Poe said. "You're a good person."

The prince seemed to flinch. Poe didn't know if it was because of the idea of being called a good person, or, for that matter, something else. 

"You are," Poe said. "We might have had our fights. But...you're a good man."

Ben looked thoughtful. Then, slowly, "Thank you."

"It's the truth." 

Ben sat down on one of the benches. "Don't get killed," he said. 

"I won't." _I'll do anything to defend you,_ Poe thought. _Even if it means slaying dragons for you._

They sat for a while, taking in this last moment of peace together before Poe inevitably went off to war. 


	3. Fantasies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Poe meets with Holdo, and later, indulges himself in what could be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author's Notes: Sorry that Holdo is so nasty to Poe. I figured that it would be in character for her. Also, this chapter definitely earns a more explicit rating, so I'm changing the rating.

The ride to the camp in D'Qar was a long one, and Poe had to stop frequently on his way there, just to get food and sleep. The dreams that he had were a mixture of troubled, with a figure in shadows that he could only assume was Snoke watching even as the battle went on, and...strangely erotic with the dreams about Ben.

They varied. Sometimes it was gentle kisses and touches, sometimes it was outright scratching, biting, digging into the other's skin and making the prince practically lose his composure and scream Poe's name. Whether it was slowly chipping away at the prince's composure or just digging fingers into his skin to make him howl, either option left Poe jolting awake, desperately aroused and aching, and despairing bitterly. Ben could never be his. Even if Ben didn't hate him, Ben was the prince. Poe was a knight. Winning the prince's heart could not be easy. 

It was when Poe reached D'Qar that he met with General Holdo for the first time. Holdo was a tall woman, pink-haired -- one of those styles unique to the country of Hosnia -- quite beautiful in an icy way. Even explaining why he came here, though, Poe refused to be intimidated. 

"I'd do anything I could to defend this kingdom."

"When you put it that way," Holdo said primly, "Welcome to the camp." She paused. "You'll have to actually prove your abilities, Sir Poe. You may have been the Queen's favorite at the court, but I assure you, that out here, you'll actually have to prove yourself."

Irritation bristled in Poe. Did everyone think that? First there was Padick, and now General Holdo. The Queen and he may have been close, but she didn't --

Did she? She didn't outright come out and say that she preferred him to Ben, but Poe could feel it, and it made him uncomfortable. 

"I won't disappoint you," said Poe. 

"We'll see about that." Holdo said calmly. 

It was retiring for the night that Poe was already angry, already lonely, and already wondering about Ben. Ben hadn't outright said he'd miss Poe, but the way he acted...

_It's close enough._

Poe thought of his dreams, his fantasies, digging his fingernails into the prince's strong back just to make Ben scream his name, letting out all his adoration and frustration just through their joining. And he trailed his hand down his chest, down his soft belly towards his groin, thought of Ben, thought of his beautiful, unappreciated face even as he stroked. He thought of Ben, and the idea that Ben could be his, and his alone.

He kept quiet. He didn't want to wake anyone else in the camp, so he bit his lip even as waves of pleasure washed over him. He stroked, and stroked, picturing Ben naked and beautiful and strong, and as he spiraled towards his orgasm, he felt a sort of anguish with it, the fact that he loved Ben, and Ben would never, ever be his. 

He came down from his orgasm, suppressing a gasp as he did so. He wished Ben were with him, wished Ben loved him and desired him as much as he loved and desired Ben.

He cleaned himself up before falling into an uneasy sleep, drowning in his fantasies of what could be. 


	4. Practice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which our soldiers practice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

It was the next day that Poe got up, cleaned himself up (no use in showing up to Holdo sweaty and sticky; he had a feeling that it would not improve her initial opinion of him) and got dressed. He got to breakfast and ate the food, which only made him appreciate the castle food more; this food wasn’t even remotely edible. Once they were done, they made their way to the training fields.

”On this field,” Holdo said, “You will be learning how to fight. I know that some of you are no doubt here for glory, but practice here will not be about glory as much as refining skill. An overinflated ego can get you killed on the battlefield. Yes, Sir Poe?”

Poe was aware of how many eyes there were on him, and already, he hated it. Still, he would not be intimidated by anyone, even this woman, who was quite a force to be reckoned with, apparently. “Not all of us signed up for glory, ma’am.”

”Indeed.” Holdo said. “Why did you sign up?”

”To defend the Organa kingdom.” _And for Ben. Stars, even if he doesn’t love me, at least I’ll be doing my part to defend him._

 _“_ A patriot _._ Interesting.” Holdo looked at him, and the way she looked, it was like some of her initial impressions of Poe had been dismantled. Some. Holdo continued. “We’ll be training in fencing today. Everyone will pair up with someone else, and test their skills.”

Poe was paired up with a petite young woman named Rose. Round-faced and serious in demeanor, Rose spoke to him even as she twirled the sword in her hand. “You ready?”

”As I’ll ever be.”

Their swords clashed, and as they fought, Poe thought of impressing Ben, of going home to talk to Ben of what he had done, of showing Holdo that he wasn’t just the Queen’s favorite knight, that he actually had something to him. More than something, actually. He fought, and his swings got more impassioned, more emboldened. Rose was no slouch herself, though, and she swung at Poe, her sword connecting with his. They pressed against the other’s sword, and with a kick, Poe sprawled over, Rose holding her sword to his neck.

Holdo looked at them both coolly. “Your form was sloppy, Dameron,” she said. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were trying way too hard to win.”

Maybe he was. In the end, though, Poe would prove himself. He would make Holdo proud. And Ben...Ben would understand him too.


	5. Dreamscape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ben discusses things with the others, and has a dream that very well may be prophetic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Ben hadn't heard the news of Poe's defeat at the hands of a woman named Rose Tico outwardly, but he had overheard murmurs among the other knights. Some of them actually seemed angry about Poe losing, like there was something undignified about losing to a woman. Then again, some of the company that Poe kept...Ben swore the only reason he even kept that company was because Poe was a knight too. 

"I frankly want to buy that woman a drink and shake her hand," Michael said. "It's about time that he got knocked off his throne."

"Michael," Liana said. 

"Where have you been? You saw how he was. So arrogant, so better-than-you..."

Ben swallowed. "He's not that bad," he said. "Really." 

"And where in the name of the gods have you been, Ben?"

"He's not that bad."

Michael sighed. "So he's just a bit arrogant, keeps awful company, and the Queen favors him."

"He can also be kind."

"Can he?" Michael said. "I hadn't noticed."

He could be funny, charming, loyal. That was one of many things that Ben loved and hated about him, in the end. And he was beautiful. It was a shallow thing to notice, but he was beautiful, with his sculpted lips and curly black hair and expressive dark eyes. 

Beautiful. Ben hadn't thought that his reverie would take that turn, but here he was. 

"Ben?" Liana said. "Are you all right?"

"I am. Just thinking." Ben sighed. "I am a little..."

"What?"

"Worried for him." _And jealous_. 

"He'll be all right, Ben," Liana said. "Really."

Ben could only hope. 

It was after dinner that Ben went up to bed. His dreams were muddled and confused and involved him and Poe in some sort of glade, standing together. He was aware of the dark lashes that stood out against Poe's face, and the sculpted smoothness of his lips, and even leaning in to kiss them, he had a feeling that there was no turning back. 


	6. Fight and Flight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the kingdom gets an unsettling message, and Ben makes a crucial decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author's Notes: Yes, Tobias is meant to be Threepio. And Arthur is Artoo.

If there was anyone Ben could trust with the dream, it was his father. His mother...it was safe to say that he had a complicated relationship with her and leave it at that. It was long after breakfast that his father pulled him aside and said, "Are you doing all right? You weren't eating much."

"Fine." Ben forced a smile. "Just tired is all."

"Ben, I've known you long enough to know that you're a terrible liar. What happened?"

"I had a bit of a rough night."

"Did you?"

"Yes." Ben ran a hand through his hair. "It was..." About Poe, he wanted to finish, but instead he said, "Pretty interesting."

"Define that."

 _Guess there's no use hiding it._  "It was about Poe."

"No surprises there," his father said. "The way your mother..." He trailed off, almost as if hesitating. 

"What do you mean?" Ben said. 

"I don't like the way your mother treats him either. I think in a way, it's like he's...safer, so to speak. Safer than her own family." The King sighed. "Your mother's always had her share of problems. This is no exception."

"Why does she think Poe's...safer?"

"That's a good question. I think it's because of your grandfather."

"What about him?" Ben had heard the stories about his grandfather. Not from the Queen or the King or even his uncle, but sometimes he swore that he heard whispers about his grandfather from the castle servants. Things that were usually in the context of "the prince will grow up Just as Bad as his grandfather, Or Worse" when he was a child. No wonder they flocked to Poe, he thought bitterly -- Poe's own family had been good people. Poe seemed to be perfect in every way, and he wasn't even the prince. He supposed it wouldn't be a stretch if the Queen actually wished she'd given birth to Poe instead of Ben. 

"Your grandfather was horrible to your mother," the King said. "In ways that no father should ever treat their own daughter. I remember she still had nightmares about how he treated her." He shook his head. "Your mother has her share of problems. She really does. And they're not really her fault, but how she handles them isn't fair to anyone, even Poe."

"Even Poe?" Ben laughed in disbelief. "But he has everything -- "

"Doesn't mean it's fair to him."

It was then that Tobias, one of the heralds, walked over towards them. "I do hate to interrupt, Your Majesty," he said. "But we have an urgent message."

His father sighed. "Guess we better see what this is about," he said. 

The air of the court was quiet, tense, even as Ben and his father entered. The Queen cast disapproving looks at them both even as they sat down. Ben refused to be abashed. If she thought that she could sufficiently cow him, she was very much wrong. 

Tobias spoke. "It's a missive from a General Armitage Hux. It says, 'People of the Organa kingdom, your time is at its end. We have destroyed the city of Hosnia, and it was an act most righteous. To end disorder. All cities will how to the Milaran Empire, and remember this as the last days of the Organa kingdom.'"

Murmurs broke out throughout the court, and Ben knew his blood was already turning to fire. The monster would never take the Organa kingdom. Not once, not ever. 

"We have to act," he said. "Every minute we delay, this Hux will most likely destroy more cities. We can't have that."

"You're acting too rashly -- " the Queen began. 

"He threatened the kingdom itself!"

"You can't simply ride out and defend it," said the Queen. "You haven't the training!"

"I can begin to," Ben said. 

"You have a duty to defend the kingdom -- "

"I guess we have different definitions of duty then," Ben said. "Maybe you can sit idly by while Hux destroys everything, but not me."

Murmurs broke out among the court once again. Others sounded flabbergasted; Ben Solo, a mere prince, talking back to his mother? 

"You know nothing," said his mother. "Sir Poe would never -- "

"So you go on," Ben snapped. "So you say. I know right from wrong, mother mine, and I may not be Poe Dameron, but at least I'm not a coward or a sanctimonious, favorites-playing, narcissistic  _hag_ like you."

He left, among whispers and murmurs. Faintly, he heard the Queen ask if anyone else would like to leave, and he kept walking towards his room. He began packing his things, and his mother's hound, Arthur, walked inside and nuzzled at his hand.

"I know, Arthur," Ben said. "I'll be back before you know it." Already, he was wishing he hadn't lost his temper with his own mother, but it seemed there he was. _Good job, Ben. Why don't you desecrate the court tables as an encore?_

He headed outside his room, only to bump into Michael. "Liana, Thomas and I are going with you," Michael said. "We owe you that much."

Ben grinned at him despite himself. "Then let's go."


	7. Dreamers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and his friends talk on the way to the camp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The ride to the camp in D'Qar was, to say the least, uncomfortable. Even riding his horse Obsidian, Ben was quiet for most of the ride, replaying his words to his mother in his head. 

They'd justified. Years of suppressed anger finally coming free, and yet...had it been the right thing to say? All of it -- had it been the right thing to say?

After a while, Liana spoke. "When you get back, you should apologize to your mother," she said. "You didn't have to call her a hag."

"I know." Ben sighed. "What she said to me just left me so angry. Her comparing me to Poe again..."

"You're worth twelve of him," Michael said. "Trust me on this." He sighed. "He's just a smug, arrogant man who the Queen favors. But you? You're actually a good person."

"Poe's not a bad person."

"He...he...well, what about his friends? I swear, those people think they're better than us. All of us. We're basically nothing next to them. At least in their eyes."

"We're not," Thomas said. 

"Yes. We're not." Michael smiled a bit. "To begin with, we're actually going to defeat this Snoke and show them all."

"We will," Ben said. "We will."

 


	8. Recruitment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben meets with Holdo, and later talks with Poe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The camp in D'Qar was a very organized place, Ben thought even as he rode in. There were other people practicing their skills in the camp, others mingling, others doing what they could if only to get better at dueling. Ben rode through the camp before stopping Obsidian and dismounting, and Liana, Thomas and Michael did the same. 

Reporting to General Holdo was not easy. A strict-looking, pink-haired woman, she had a sort of look to her that, to Ben, reminded him of a statue carved from ice. "So the prince himself has come to help us," she said.

"I have." Even facing Holdo was like facing his mother all over again. Strict, all but carved from ice, seeming to have contempt for him...there was something that Ben wasn't appreciating, he supposed. 

"What kept you? All of you?" Holdo said. "After Hosnia was destroyed -- "

"That's why I came," Ben said. _Gods give me strength to deal with this woman!_ "To help out after Hosnia."

"What about the Queen?" Holdo said. 

Silence. 

"She's not coming, is she?" Holdo said. "The nerve of her. A whole country destroyed and she sits back and watches. I definitely hope, at any rate, Prince Ben, that you are better than your mother ever was."

"I'll do my best."

"We'll have to wait and see."

***

It was in the mess hall that Michael spotted Poe Dameron and chose the wrong time to pick a fight with him. 

"How's it feel, being beaten?" Michael said. "I mean, all hail Poe Dameron. Maybe he's not so invincible after -- "

"Michael, don't." Ben said. 

"Well, it's true!"

Poe spoke up in that moment. "Rose is a promising young Knight and I admire her," he said. "I think she's definitely going to be something extraordinary."

"That's a hell of a way to cover your own -- "

"Michael," Ben said, "Shut up."

Silence. Michael was already staring at him in shock; Ben had never said something like that before. Then, "Ben, I -- "

"Leave him alone."

"How can you say that? He's a conceited little son of a -- "

"Do you really know him?"

"No, but -- "

"You don't know him. You think you do, but you don't."

It was as they cleared the mess hall that Poe took Ben aside. "I just wanted to tell you...thank you. That definitely meant a lot."

"You're welcome," Ben said. "About this Rose Tico -- "

"Oh, she's good," Poe said. "Very good. I can imagine she's been practicing."

"Is she?" Ben said. "I'll have to see."

Silence. 

"So," Poe said. "You joined the army."

"It was the right thing to do." _Even if I'm not good at anything. Even if I am just a failure who'll one day be ruler of the Organa kingdom._ "I couldn't just watch while people suffered."

"Good on you," Poe said, and Ben felt an unexpected sort of warmth in him. It shouldn't have mattered, and yet it did. A lot, actually. Somehow, it mattered. 

"I'm..." _Not good at anything, not good enough, not beautiful._ "New to all this. But I can do what I can."

"I think you'll do amazing."

Ben smiled despite himself. "I might. Hopefully."

 


	9. Prelude to Practice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Poe chat a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The next day was practice. Ben had to change out of his overly heavy prince robes (which was a relief) in order to actually practice with the others, and he had to admit that it felt different. Comfortable. Some of the outfits he had to wear as a prince were monumentally uncomfortable, so it was good to be in more practical gear for sparring. 

Poe actually looked over him when he comes outside, and his look was appreciative, something that Ben couldn't say that he'd seen before. Most of them seemed to think he was plain at best, ugly at worst. They focused on things like his large nose and ears, the freckles on his face, things of that nature. They didn't really focus on some of the better features Ben has, and what was the point, he supposes? Poe seemed to have been born with natural, almost angelic beauty. His hair, his eyes, his lips...everything. Ben didn't have the fortune to inherit anything good from his parents or even grandparents physically. So Poe looking at him appreciatively was new. 

"You look nice," he said.

"Thank you." It was odd, Poe saying he looked nice when really, it was just practical gear, and Ben couldn't say that he'd had that look of appreciation before, but there he was.

"May I walk with you?"

Ben nodded, and they walked towards practice, where others were already being set up. Ben had to admit that he was nervous; he wasn't the best at sparring, and the instances where he play-fought with his baby cousin and let her win didn't count -- it was just the fact that he wasn't the best in general. He could still remember Gabriel Naris, a colleague of his uncle's, saying that a one-legged tach would be better at sparring than either he or Michael. That really stung. But he was going to show Naris. He would show them all.

Ben took a deep breath and walked through the door. 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Poe spar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

They stepped into the room, where Holdo and the others were already waiting. 

"You're late, Poe," she said. "Your Highness."

"Sorry," Poe said, and Ben already felt the urge to speak up for him. He did. "It wasn't Poe's fault," he said. "Really, it wasn't."

Holdo looked skeptical, but she said, "Get into a pair, both of you. And draw your swords."

They did.

Ben drew his practice sword, and Poe drew his. Their blades clashed, and Ben, all the while, remembered what exactly Uncle Luke had taught him in his training. A twirl of the sword here, a blocking of one of Poe's attacks there, and Ben felt it was almost like learning how to dance. Though it was better than learning how to dance, because it was simply who he was. 

Step to the left, step to the right. Poe looked so lovely bearing down on him like that -- no, focus, focus. Time to focus. Keep focusing. Ben jolted himself back every time, though that didn't stop Poe from sweeping his sword up to meet Ben's cheek. 

They paused, looking closely at each other. Poe looked...gods, he looked so beautiful with his hair plastered to his face like that, his eyes wide and cheeks flushed a bit, quite a bit out of breath. And Ben was captivated thus.

Holdo looked at the both of them, raised her eyebrows. "Not bad," she said. "Better than the last duel."

Poe grinned, and he looked even more beautiful, Ben thought. Not for the first time, he couldn't help but be jealous. He likely looked a mess. 

Holdo looked over Ben. "Your form is a bit sloppy," she said, "But you have promise. Keep practicing, and you'll have it tightened in no time." And was that a hint of a smile on her  face? She turned to Poe. "You need to focus more, but you are improving. I admit, Sir Poe, I didn't think I had it in you."

Ben could tell, in that moment, that Poe was relieved. 

They headed back to their rooms, and Ben turned to Poe. "Good match," he said. 

"Good match." Poe seemed to be looking over him again. Not like he was meat, but there was something about that look where Ben couldn't help but feel heat rush further into his cheeks. His face felt like a furnace. 

"See anything fascinating?" Ben said. 

"Oh. Well...no. I mean, yes, you are...I'm not trying to be, well..."

Ben smiled despite himself. "It's all right."

"You fight really well," Poe said.

"Thank you."

The silence between them was long. Then Poe spoke. "I'll see you at dinner."

"Yes," Ben said. "I'll see you at dinner."

He made his way up to the shower, his head swimming with thoughts, wondering about the direction he would inevitably take. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Poe has some self-exploration time, and Ben gets a letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author's Notes: Before you read this, I highly recommend you read MidgardianNerd's take on this verse with "Greatness Is From Within": http://archiveofourown.org/works/12387051. It's fantastic. Unfortunately this chapter is not as epic as hers, but I hope it's enjoyable nonetheless.

Poe was grateful in that moment when he went up to the showers. Not only was he sticky and grimy, but Ben...

How was Ben so beautiful? How could he be unaware of his own beauty, his own charm? How could he, really? 

It was up in the shower that Poe took his time, this time, with his body. He pictured Ben, his beautiful, witty, kind enemy, his rival, there, massaging off bits of sweat and dirt. Touching him. Poe had had a lover before, but it had ended badly, and now...now he was trying to replace that previous lover with a man who, back at the court, had been his rival. 

Was Ben still his rival? Poe couldn't help but wonder. 

He moved down from his chest, and he pictured Ben, naked, beautiful, with him. Of course Ben was naked. It wouldn't be fair otherwise. He pictured Ben touching him, Ben trailing his hands over his chest, down towards his soft belly. He didn't know how Ben would react to that bit of softness, but in his head, he pictured that he'd love it. Curious, tender, touching it, trailing hands over it, quietly worshipping it. 

Poe pictured the way Ben would touch him, and he wished, even running his hands over his body, that it would be a reality. 

***

It was after his shower that Ben got the letter from Uncle Luke. He couldn't say that he was necessarily looking forward to it, but it was worse than he thought opening it. 

_Dear Ben,_

_I have to say I heard from your mother about your behavior towards her and I am appalled. Your mother has done nothing but the best for you, and you treat her in such a fashion. I can't believe you. It's one of those things that makes me wonder if you are fit to rule the Organa Kingdom after your mother dies. Is the Organa Kingdom really ready for a spoiled selfish child to pick up where his mother left off?_

_I'm you told yourself you had good intentions, Ben, but good intentions alone do not a good decision make. You're going to doom the kingdom, doom us all. I daresay you've been ungrateful to your mother all these years, after all she did for you. I can only hope you come to your senses._

_Love,_

_Uncle Luke_

Ben froze. Already, his uncle's words were buzzing in his head -- "ungrateful", "spoiled", "selfish"...he'd heard them before, but that didn't make them hurt any less...

Ben took the letter and tore it in half first. Then into four quarters. He kept tearing and tearing until finally, the letter was no more than little pieces and he threw them out the window to be carried away by the wind. He sat on the bed, sighed, and ran a hand through his hair. How could Uncle Luke have said that? How could he have called Ben ungrateful when he was trying to do what had to be done? So he shouldn't have said what he did to his mother, but even so...

Ben slumped on the bed. The best he could tell himself was that there was everything wrong with Uncle Luke. But there was nothing wrong with them.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben reflects on Luke's letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

It was at dinner that Ben told the others about the letter that Uncle Luke had sent to him. 

"How could he?" Liana said. "After all, what's he been doing, outside of -- "

"Twiddling his thumbs?" Michael said. "Probably nothing."

Ben sighed. Michael was probably right on that one. Not about Poe (it was safe to say that what Michael thought was defending Ben was really a case of not defending Ben at all), but about Uncle Luke...it was likely that it was a case of Michael having a point. They were the only ones willing to do what had to be done, and the others barely understood anything about what was happening. 

"I shouldn't have lost my temper with my mother, though."

"Ben," Liana said, "She was treating you like that for years. I would get angry too." She dug into her vegetables and potatoes. "What does she know about war anyway? I mean, the last I checked, she had a lot of experience with diplomatic missions, but war? Not really."

"I suppose not." As a royal, Princess Leia's involvement in the war was mostly limited to diplomatic missions, thanks to her adoptive father not wanting to be revealed too soon as a "traitor" against Lord Palpatine. It had been Han Solo, Shara Bey and Kes Dameron who had been truly out on the battlefields, doing what they could against Palpatine's forces. Queen Leia, meanwhile, was so used to the idea of her son doing his royal duties that she didn't look at what was around her. 

Of course, some of the royals didn't. 

"I just wonder what my father thinks." Ben said. 

"I'm sure he'll understand." said Liana. 

Ben bit his lip. "I don't know." It had been years since the war with Lord Palpatine, and his father still had been affected by it. Flashbacks, nightmares...it was something Ben wished he could help him with. 

It was something that Ben had always struggled with. 

He only knew that if the war didn't end up on his father's doorstep, he would have done something right. 

"We're doing the right thing," Liana said. "We really are."

It was that night that Ben went to bed, and dreamed, dreamed of a pair of piercing blue eyes all but dissecting him, and a voice, beckoning him to give in. He didn't know to what. He only knew, awakening, that he would do anything not to hear that voice again. 

 


	13. Desperate Measures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben demonstrates his magical abilities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The moment that Ben woke up, he knew that something was drastically wrong. He ran towards his window, pulled open the curtains, only to see that the sky outside was a vivid sort of red, and full of smoke. And he knew that he had to help the others, no matter what the cost. Getting into his battle armor, he ran towards the outside. 

Holdo turned to look at him. "Where were you?" she said. "You could have been killed, dawdling like that."

"I wasn't -- "

An arrow shot above their heads. A flaming arrow. Ben ducked, and it was there that he drew his sword. 

Holdo drew hers, and the others drew theirs. Ben wasn't terribly good at shooting arrows, but he was decent, at least, in terms of combat. He could fight against these monsters trying to take them down. He could do this. No matter what happened. 

They charged at the soldiers, and it was there that Ben got a look at their leader for the first time. A clean-shaven red-haired man, dressed in blue. Even connecting with his sword, Ben could tell that this man...this man hadn't had much experience in hand-to-hand combat. 

That was a good sign. Even as their swords connected again and again, Ben could rely on this one thing to give him a chance in terms of beating this man. 

Behind Ben, more soldiers fell, and ahead of him, the others charged forward, eager to avenge their fallen comrades. 

Ben could only watch, even as he dueled the leader of the group, as more soldiers fell. He hadn't thought that they could fall in such horrifying ways. He hadn't thought that they would fall the way they did. Was that what war was like? All that, all of this...was that what it was like?

A lucky blow, and Ben could barely see. Blood was all but running down his face, and he lashed out, blindly, unthinkingly, and the howl of pain from the leader of the group was enough to let him know he had landed a hit. Blood was running down his face through a horizontal cheek cut, and Ben knew that it was a hit. 

There was another slice, this time across the shoulder, and Ben found himself losing his sword. He was effectively defenseless. Except...

All his life, Ben had kept his magic secret at the behest of his uncle, but now...if there was any time for a miracle, it was now. 

He screamed. 

The force of the scream hurled the army across the field. 

 


	14. Beauty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holdo and the others talk, and Ben reflects.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.
> 
> Author’s Notes: For more context, definitely read MidgardianNerd’s wonderful “We’ll Make It Right For You”, here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/12517520.

It was when Ben was well enough to stand that they (and Ben’s father, who had come to the camp the moment he got Poe’s missive) went to meet with General Holdo, at her request. Even looking at his scar in the mirror, it was healing, but it still looked like his face had been all but sliced. Bisected. He supposed that even when the scar healed, it would be a reminder of his first time in a battle. It would be a reminder of his first time hurting another being, it would be a reminder of his first time doing —

At the memory, he almost wanted to be sick. He felt like the world was spinning around him, and it was Poe who caught him. There was something about those arms that was surprisingly comforting, warm even. He looked up at Poe, and was all but tempted to kiss him. It would be so easy, leaning in, capturing those perfect lips. He was beautiful, beautiful in a way that Ben could never be, and —

“I’ve got you,” Poe said. “Everything’s all right.”

Was it? Ben had to wonder. He was so very afraid, so very guilty, and yet Poe...

Poe was comforting him. 

They both stood up, and Poe strained a bit, groaned. “Damn, Ben, but you’re big,” he said. 

“I guess I am.” Poe was so small next to him in contrast. And yet so strong. 

“I don’t mind it,” Poe said. “It’s very...princely, actually.” A beat. “Kingly, actually. You’d make a better king than you give yourself credit for.”

”Thank you. And...” Ben swallowed. “Thank you. For bringing me back to camp. Twice." He turned towards his father, Rose and Michael. “And thank you too.”

The others nodded. 

The meeting with Holdo was something that Ben dreaded. Even looking into the face of the purple-haired woman, Ben wondered how she would react to his display of magic on the battlefield. Then she said, “Ben. How are you feeling?”

”Better, General,” Ben said. “Much better than I was.”

”That’s good.” General Holdo sighed. “I called you here because I have questions for you. Quite a few of them, actually. On the subject of Prince Ben’s magic...”

Ben shifted uncomfortably. Was Holdo going to blame him? He hoped not, actually. 

Poe spoke up. “If it weren’t for him, the enemy would have won,” he said. 

“I’m aware of that,” Holdo said. “I’m also aware that Prince Ben’s magic could be an incredible asset to the war.”

”I’ll do what I can.”

”Good. That being said...you may have to be careful with it. I don’t think any of us have healed from what Lord Palpatine and Lord Vader were capable of.”

Poe spoke up. “Ma’am,” he said, “Ben isn’t anything like either of them.”

”That’s true. But that being said, others are still afraid of magic. While that may be an advantage against our enemy, it may endanger him in the ranks. We may have to be cautious.”

Ben nodded. He couldn’t say he blamed Holdo for wanting to be cautious. 

“Whatever happens, General, we’ll keep his highness safe,” Poe said. 

“Aye,” Han said. 

“Aye,” the others said. 

Holdo smiled. “That’s good to hear,” she said. “Good loyalty, I can imagine, is hard to come by some days.”

It was on the way out that Rose and Ben spoke. “About Poe...” she said. 

“What do you mean?”

“It’s the way he looks at you. The way he defended you to Holdo,” Rose said. “He...he’s in love with you, isn’t he?”

”Me?” Ben couldn’t picture it. What could Poe Dameron, perhaps the most beloved of his mother’s Knights, see in a runaway prince who didn’t have any of the qualities that Poe had? He wasn’t beautiful, he wasn’t talented, he wasn’t really much of anything. Maybe Poe pitied him, but thinking of him as anything else but a petulant, selfish prince...never. 

Ben sighed. “He pities me,” he said. “That’s all.”

”If you didn’t spend so much damn time feeling sorry for yourself,” Rose said, “You’d actually notice.”

”I don’t feel sorry for myself.”

”You’re doing it right now.”

Ben sighed. “I’m not exactly beautiful.”

”You are. And there could be a lot of reasons that he loves you.”

”Like pity?”

Rose sighed. “See? You’re feeling sorry for yourself.”

”I guess.”

It was back in his room that Ben looked in the mirror, looked over his face again. He could pick out some features that he liked — his eyes, one of the few features he inherited from his mother, were pretty, at least. His hair. But that was it. His lips were too full, his nose too large, his ears too large, just about everything was too large. Both his parents were strikingly lovely. Conventionally beautiful. He wasn’t fortunate enough to inherit their beauty. 

What else could Poe be looking for? What could anyone be looking for in Ben Solo? Poe had to be pitying him. Someone as fundamentally wonderful as Poe...

He could still remember the warmth of Poe’s arms, and he knew that he could never be good enough. 

He trailed his hands down his body, trying to imagine what exactly Poe would see in that. Assuming that they ever got to that point, would Poe ever appreciate his body? His too-big body. 

He trailed hands down his chest, imagining his dream lover doing the same, exploring the different parts of his body, and Ben pictured Poe caressing, nuzzling, loving all the while. He trailed hands down his chest, down his belly, letting his movements lull him into sleep. 

 

 

 


	15. Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe does something special for Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Special thanks to MidgardianNerd for suggesting Poe give Ben his dagger. You are amazing!

It was unbeknownst to Ben that Poe was listening the whole time to the conversation between him and Rose, and his heart broke. There was something about Ben’s words that hurt. Ben honestly thought he just pitied him? How could he even say something like that? Ben was wonderful, and so oblivious to his own charm, his own beauty, his own virtues and strengths. Who could have possibly crushed Ben so deeply that he couldn’t see it?

An unpleasant voice in him said that he already knew, but he stuffed it down. Surely the Queen wouldn’t be so cruel. She wouldn’t, would she? 

Not intentionally — or did that even matter? 

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Gods, he loved Ben, loved him so much that he swore he’d go mad. If only there was something he could do for Ben, something that could show the full extent of his feelings...

There was the dagger that the Queen had given him when he was twenty. He had become a Knight at eighteen, and it was later in his career that he actually got the dagger. Even looking at it, he knew that he was giving up something incredibly valuable. All for Ben. And yet for Ben, it was worth it. 

It was later after dinner that Poe gave Ben the dagger, and Ben looked actually surprised as well as touched. “Poe...”

”I couldn’t keep you safe on the battlefield the first time around,” Poe said. His eyes glided to the scar on Ben’s face, which...even with it, he was almost ethereal in his beauty. “I hope I can do it now."

Ben’s arms drew him close in that moment, and Poe rested his head on Ben’s chest. Ben was so warm in that moment, so comforting, so protective. Poe was startled to feel tears rolling down Ben’s face. 

“Ben, hey,” he said. “Please don’t cry.”

Ben sniffled, looked down at Poe. Even crying, he was beautiful. Incredibly beautiful. How was he so beautiful? They were so close, the tears were dripping from Ben’s lashes. 

“It’s all right,” Poe said. “Really. Please don’t cry.”

”I didn’t think that I was worth protecting.”

”Yes, you are,” Poe said. “And I’ll protect you no matter how much I have to fight. I’ll slay dragons for you, if that’s what it takes to keep you safe.”

Ben smiled. It was a beautiful smile, even with the tears. “I thought you would.”

 


	16. Bonding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breakfast, then a funeral.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

If Poe’s attempts the next day were attempts to court him, Ben wouldn’t have been surprised. The next day entailed Poe meeting with him and saying, “You kept my dagger.”

”I did,” Ben said. “It’s beautiful.”

“Thank you."

Silence. Poe looked over Ben, and Ben couldn’t help but feel a pleasurable sort of shyness even as Poe did so. Then Poe spoke. “You look beautiful.” Then, “Very princely.”

It really was just practical gear, but the idea that Poe could actually find Ben lovely in his practical gear was enough to make Ben blush, if pleasantly. He wondered if he looked like a tomato in that moment, the way he was blushing.

“Thank you.” Ben was all but tempted to say that he wasn’t beautiful, but he restrained himself. He didn’t know what made him restrain himself. He could only assume that it was just the idea of possibly shattering the moment, shattering the illusion.

There was a long silence. Then Poe said, “Do you want to eat with me? I mean, I know you have — ’’

”I don’t just have them.” There was Benjen, or “Jen” as Ben occasionally called him. And yet at the same time, Ben was also desperately lonely. Yes, desperately lonely — that was a good way to describe him. 

 “Well, still,” Poe said, “Do you want to eat with us?”

”Yes.” It wouldn’t hurt, Ben supposed. 

 Poe probably had feelings for him, if what Rose said was true. Why was the question. 

And in the meantime, how did he feel about Poe? He knew full well that he envied Poe’s beauty, Poe’s charm, Poe’s easy way of attracting others’ loyalty, but love? He wasn’t sure.

And to think that someone like Poe would take an interest in someone like him...

Assuming Rose was right, of course. Did he love Poe? He was a good person without a doubt, but even then, Ben didn’t know if he had romantic feelings towards Poe.

Even heading towards the table where Poe sat with his friends, Ben was amazed at just how many friends that Poe had. There was Kare Kun, there was Jessika Pava, Temmin Wexley, or “Snap"...all sorts of members from Poe’s own personal knights division, Black Squadron. And there was Rose. Poe seemed to be surrounded by friends. Jessika looked up at Ben and smiled. “It’s the Prince himself!” she said. “That was some fighting on the battlefield."

Ben couldn’t help but be startled at that. Of all the things to say, “that was some fighting” wasn’t really one of them. “Well, thanks,” he said. “I’m not really that good.”

”You definitely gave that bastard Hux a fight that he’ll never forget,” Snap said.

And there was something about it where Ben couldn’t help but feel a sort of pleasurable warmth. Maybe this was what it was like, just to belong.

It was after breakfast that they went to have the burials for those who died during the battle. And even looking at them being lowered into their tombs as General Holdo recited a Hosnian burial poem, Ben knew that this was his first experience with death on a battlefield. He knew that it was not the same as other times he had experienced death; this was different, this was raw. These people had died horribly, violently. These people were comrades and now they were being lowered into cold, hard earth.

Holdo’s poem expressed the hope that these people would go on to the afterlife to be honored. Ben could only hope that that was the case. 

Poe’s hand rested on his shoulder. There was something about that touch that was enough to reassure Ben in that moment, steady him. Ben turned to look at Poe, smiled weakly, and he was reminded of when he, as a child, had comforted Poe after his mother’s death. It was one of those instances where they had had a bit of a truce. No one deserved to lose their mother so young, after all. 

Poe was undeniably kind. That Ben couldn’t deny. It was everything else that Ben was jealous of because he could never be that way. Beautiful, charismatic, easily attracting friends...he could never be that way. 

He paused. Did he care for Poe after all, even beneath being envious of him? He didn’t know what to think of that. 

_You’re wonderful. Gods save me but you are._

Poe’s hand ran over his back, and Ben shivered, though not unpleasantly. He couldn’t say he’d been touched like this before. He found he relished the feeling. 

“I’m all right,” he said. “But thank you.”

”You’re welcome.”

They walked back in, and Ben’s mind swam with new emotions that he wasn’t sure how to label or process. 

 


	17. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the cat is out of the bag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

It was when they were in private that Ben said, “Rose actually said something odd.”

”I overheard.” Poe looked shy in that moment. “I really did...hope that it wouldn’t come out the way it did."

”How would you have preferred it?”

”Better than this,” Poe said. “Ben...Michael said more than once I wanted to court the Queen. But while the Queen’s a fine woman, I don’t want to court her. I want to court you.” A beat. “It’s you I desire, not the Queen. You have to believe that.”

There was such passion, such truth in Poe’s words, and yet Ben was hard-pressed to believe it. He, Ben Solo, desirable? He wracked his brain, trying to think of what Poe might have seen in him. Besides being the prince. 

Poe seemed to see the look on Ben’s face because he said, “Don’t you believe me?”

”No, you’re telling the truth, but I’m not...” Ben swallowed. “I’m not desirable.”

Poe looked like his heart was breaking in that moment. Then, “Ben...you’re perfectly desirable. You’re more than just desirable. You’re a good person, you’re funny, you’re brave, noble, strong...and by the gods, you’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.”

And for a moment, Ben could believe it. 

As for Poe...Ben didn’t know how he felt. Poe was a good person, and beautiful, and kind, but...

How did he feel?

”Poe,” he said, “I don’t...think you’re unworthy. Far from it. I just need time to think about it.”

”If you have to.” Poe sounded disappointed, dejected, but like he understood. He understood. Even when Ben was all but not letting him steal in, he understood. He didn’t want to start a relationship with Poe based on pity, or a desire to gain love. He wanted to love Poe because he loved him, no more, no less. 

Poe hugged him tightly, and Ben felt a strange sense of belonging, of support, a sort of warmth that was stronger than the bonds he felt with Thomas, Annie, Michael and Benjen. 

Ben hugged him back, and they withdrew. 

***

Even as Ben left, Poe felt a sort of pain in him that he couldn’t say he felt even after his failed relationship with Daniel Mirres. It was the sort of pain that suggested something that was not quite requited. Ben was so determined to see himself as worthless, unworthy of love, and Poe loved him, gods he loved him...

Maybe Ben couldn’t love him back. But he could, at least, defend Ben on the battlefield however he could. 


	18. Deliberation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe and Ben make their decisions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

It was outside that Poe got to talk to Barlow. And he told him everything, about Rose all but letting the cat out of its proverbial bag, how he had managed to tell Ben that he desired him, only for Ben to...

Did he reject him? It wasn’t that that hurt. It was the fact that Ben seemed to think the idea of someone loving him was all but inconceivable.

Barlow nuzzled him.

“I know, buddy,” Poe said. Gods, Ben didn’t deserve to be hated, didn’t deserve this treatment. He deserved to be loved. Deserved silk sheets instead of the shabby bunks that they had, deserved jewelry and gold and silver and all the riches of the world. “I guess I should give him time. He just seemed shocked."

Barlow looked at him with those soft brown eyes.

“Gods, BB, he’s just so lonely. He thinks so little of himself. And I love him.” Poe sighed and looked ahead to the horizon, where the sun was rising.

He wasn’t going to push Ben. Ben deserved time to work things out. Maybe he loved him, maybe he didn’t. But he had to respect Ben’s decision.

***

“Shut up.”

Ben ran a hand through his hair even as the memories came back. He hadn’t thought the word “desirable” and “beautiful” would cause miniature moments of panic, but there he was. Old voices from the past, deciding to stream back in that moment.

_Doesn’t look like the King or the Queen much, does he?_

_Looks more like his cursed grandfather, doesn’t he? Though at least his grandfather was handsome, and talented. Doesn’t look like our prince inherited any of these gifts..._

_Kind of an ugly thing, isn’t he?_

_Did you see his ears, and his nose? What about those freckles on his face; they look like warts —_

Ben dug his fingers into the roots of his hair, ready to tear it out —

“Ben?” Han’s voice. “Everything all right?”

Ben looked at his father, the voices fading for a moment. Then, “I’m not handsome.”

 _I’m ugly_ , the thought finished in his mind. He wasn’t just awkward-looking; he was ugly. Poe deserved someone prettier. Maybe he was wallowing in self-pity again, as Rose would put it, but it wasn’t self-pity if it was the truth. Everything about Ben’s face was wrong.

“You’re better looking than you give yourself credit for.” Han said. “Besides, looks...looks aren’t everything. They’re just a bonus, really.”

”But my face — ’’

”You are handsome.”

Ben smiled weakly. “A bit of bias there?”

”A little,” Han said lightly. Then, softer, “Is everything all right? What brought this on?”

”Poe.”

”Did he insult you?” Han sounded flabbergasted, but Ben shook his head. Poe was too fundamentally kind. He could have a sarcastic sense of humor, but he’d never outright called anyone ugly, just for example.

“No. H-he’s...he said I was beautiful. That he wanted me. And I — I can’t believe it...”

Silence.

Han sighed. “Can’t say I’m surprised,” he said. “I always got that feeling that he was more than a bit in love with you. That tournament when he went up against Nichos, for instance. I don’t know if you noticed, but — ’’

”He kept looking my way,” Ben said. Even when the crowds were cheering that he beat Nichos (and Ben had taken satisfaction in seeing the bully get his comeuppance, had even defended Poe when Gabriel Naris accused Poe of cheating), Poe hadn’t been looking at them, but Ben, with that sort of smile that seemed to light up his face.

“He did. I mean,” Han said, “He’s in love with you. Thing is, you can’t force love. When I first met your mother, I couldn’t stand her. But the thing is, over time, I saw things in her I didn’t think existed before. And...well, I think she saw some things in me too. That’s what love is, Ben; you’ve got to give it time. What do you think of Poe?”

Ben swallowed. “I don’t know,” he said. “I’ve been spending so much time feeling jealous of him. Even though really...he hasn’t done anything wrong.”

”No,” Han said. “He didn’t.”

”He’s a wonderful man, Father. He’s...the kindest man, and I kept pushing him away. He even gave me his dagger.”

”The dagger your mother gave him?” Han said in amazement.

“Yes.”

”Damn. That’s...something.”

”It is,” Ben said. A pause. “Do you have any advice on how to repair things with him — assuming there’s anything still there?”

”Well, you could invite him over to eat with you,” Han said. “Just...be nice to him.”

”I could do that,” Ben said.

***

It was at breakfast that Poe ate with Ben, despite Michael’s distrust (despite their teaming up to try and save Ben, they weren’t exactly the best of friends), and Poe forced himself not to stare too long at that beautiful face. How anyone could find Ben ugly, Poe would never know. He was so beautiful that Poe’s chest ached looking at him. He already wanted Ben to say yes, he loved him too — but that was never to be. A prince could never love his knight. A knight could never love his prince, no matter how deep the desire ran.

Even as Ben asked him questions, questions about his life like they were starting over good as new, Poe found himself telling Ben. He didn’t tell him the more vulnerable details of himself, but he told Ben enough. He added some humor, and gods, when Ben smiled...  
Ben could stand to smile more often. It was the sort of beauty that made Poe’s heart ache.

It was after breakfast that they spoke in private. Ben said, “About last night...are you upset?”

”I just wish you knew how beautiful you were.”

“Poe, I’m not — ’’

“Yes.” Poe took in that gods-given face. “You are. Gods, I...” He broke off. How was he supposed to explain to Ben that when he fought that day against James Nichos, he imagined fighting to win Ben’s favor, Ben’s love?

“You wanted me. Even when I kept pushing you away.”

”With all my heart.”

”Even when I hated myself.”

”Even then.” They were so close. Poe was staring at Ben’s lips, soft and full.

"Are you scared?”

“I am.”

Poe longed to touch him, to hold him. “What do you need?”

Ben paused, as if he didn’t know what exactly he needed. Then, “Can you tell me again?”

Anything. “I love you, Ben.”

”Will you follow me?”

”I’d kill for you.” And Poe knew he meant it, with all his heart.

Silence. Then Ben said, “I thought about when we first sparred. I think I wanted you then.”

”I wanted you too. Gods, I wanted you longer than that.”

Ben’s hands were gentle on his shoulders, and Poe found himself shivering pleasantly at Ben’s touch.

“They’re probably waiting for us,” Ben said. “Let’s go."

And they went, side by side, ready to take on another challenge.


	19. Huddle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ben and Poe have to improvise to fight the growing cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: This is purely shameless fanservice. Just to warn you.

 The journey from D’Qar to Crait was horrible, especially in light of the new climate they were entering. Ben’s teeth were chattering all the while, and it was Poe giving him his cloak that made him grateful not to freeze to death. He’d thanked Poe, and had a moment of wonder at how kind he was. How he could have judged him, Ben would never know. 

It was in one of the tents they stopped in for the night that they changed the bandage. 

  
Ben couldn’t help but feel self-conscious even essentially stripping in front of Poe. Even with having to do it in order to change the bandage, he couldn’t say that he had really done it in front of someone he was just starting to establish a bit of trust with. Poe’s gaze...there was something appreciative about it, though the Knight quickly averted it. It was nothing that Ben disliked though, even if he was more than a bit self-conscious about his body. Too skinny, too pale, his stomach a bit pudgy on the bottom. 

“Is everything all right?” Ben said. 

“You’re...” Poe stammered even as he spoke. “You’re beautiful. Everything about you is beautiful.”

”Not really — ’’ 

“You are. You’re so beautiful." 

Ben didn’t know if he could accept it, but there was something about being so wanted that felt...good. 

“I’m sorry,” Poe said. “I shouldn’t be staring.”

”No, I’m flattered.” Ben took Poe’s hands. “No one’s called me beautiful before.”

”They’re wrong if they think you’re not.”

”Thank you." Ben looked down at him. “The bandage...”

Even as Poe changed the bandage, Ben found that his touch was gentle. Slim, clever knight’s  hands, which seemed so delicate but were so strong. Poe’s touch felt good, Ben thought, and gentle, and when Poe was done with the wrapping the bandage, he rested a hand on Ben’s chest tenderly and Ben gasped at the touch. 

"Are you all right?” Poe said. 

Ben nodded. "You’re...very skilled.”

”Glad I can help.” Poe sat next to him and put a hand over his. “How do you feel?”

"Better,” Ben said. “Not as itchy.” Silence. “It’s still cold out, isn’t it?”

"Yes.” A pause. “Do you want my cloak?”

”Why don’t we share it?”

“We could also share one of the beds.” Poe said. “I don’t think this cloak’s big enough for us two.”

“Good idea.”

The bed, as it turned out, was mostly a bunch of blankets, and it seemed that snuggling under them didn’t get them warm enough. Poe undressed, and Ben himself couldn’t help but stare. Poe was always gorgeous, but this...He was breathtaking, with his smooth olive skin and strong yet almost delicate-looking body. Even the hint of a small, convex stomach was, quite frankly, adorable. Ben averted his gaze, suddenly embarrassed to be caught staring. 

Poe just seemed amused. “You’ve never seen a half-naked man before?”

”Not really.” Ben had been so sheltered in terms of sexuality; it wasn’t like he didn’t know what his own anatomy looked like, but it very rarely came up. He couldn’t say he had any partners either. “You look...beautiful. Everything about you is beautiful. I shouldn’t be staring — ’’

”You don’t have to be nervous.” Poe said.

They were so close. Ben found himself staring at Poe’s well-defined pectorals, the convex stomach contrasting with a taut upper belly, the curves of his hips...he could only imagine that Poe would feel so soft when they snuggled together. Even as they climbed under the sheets, Poe felt warm. Soft. Comfortable in his arms. Ben held him even as they both drifted off to sleep, even as the wind howled outside. 


	20. Teaching Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ben and Poe’s attraction comes to a boiling point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

The morning light streamed through the tent, and Ben turned to look at the man resting in his arms. Poe was still, his chest rising and falling, his breathing soft, and half a smile on his full lips. Ben looked down at him fondly, and he smiled; Poe just looked so peaceful and content, and free of nightmares. He knew that they would have to meet with General Holdo later on, but he didn’t want to wake Poe from his sleep. He looked so peaceful, so sweet, that Ben’s chest ached looking at him.

Poe stirred, and then looked up at Ben, smiling. “Morning,” he said.

Ben smiled back. “Morning.” _Gods, you’re beautiful, just beautiful._

Poe got up, still half-naked, and Ben couldn’t help but watch him. Everything about Poe seemed delicate yet strong, even the cute little belly that he had. Ben found himself watching even as he himself got dressed, only to avert his eyes.

Poe seemed to know what he was doing, full well, because he smiled again. “You like it?”

”You’re beautiful.” Ben said. “Everything about you.” Not just Poe’s body, but his heart, his gentle soul. Ben had never denied those aspects of Poe, but here, they had never come full view.

 “You’re beautiful too,” Poe said. “You really are.” A beat. “About last night...”

“The truth is,” Ben said, “I do find you beautiful.”

 

“So are you.”

And the more Poe said it, the more Ben couldn’t help but be amazed. Poe, finding him beautiful...how wonderful it truly was. 

Even as Poe got dressed, Ben couldn’t help but notice that he covered his own belly underneath layers of clothing and armor. An effort to make it look taut and flat? Ben couldn’t say that he liked it. He liked Poe’s curvier, softer body, his small, soft belly. He liked a lot of Poe’s softness, in more ways than one. 

Poe seemed to notice Ben’s gaze, because he smiled. “You’re staring again.”

”Sorry.”

”Don’t be. I’m wondering — what’s this fascination you have with — ’’

”You’re well-formed.”

”Thank you.” Then, “I’m a bit soft.”

Ben smiled. “I like your softness. It fits you.” He had felt Poe’s soft, warm body in his arms last night, and it had felt comforting. 

“I don’t think anyone’s said that to me before.”

”They didn’t — ’’

”Oh, they didn’t,” Poe said. “But they were surprised. I mean, you wouldn’t expect a knight’s body to be like that.”

Ben sighed. Poe was being silly, of course; after all, Snap was more than a bit stocky. Then again, had Poe’s previous lovers put that insecurity in his head? 

“I like that you’re a bit soft,” Ben said. “Actually, I love it. It suits you.” He couldn’t say he liked how Poe tried to squish his belly down, suck it in; even him covering himself with clothes was almost like a woman squeezing her body into a corset. 

Poe grinned. “You’re acting like I imagined you would. You’re just loving it.”

”I do. I love it.” Ben swallowed. “Then again, I love all of you.”

”You love me?”

”I’m starting to.”

The hug that Poe pulled Ben into was almost crushing, and when Ben pulled away, Poe was beaming. "I just...I love you, Ben. So much.”

”You told me that.” Ben smiled as he said it. 

They were so close. Their lips touched, after much struggle to get past their noses, and Ben felt as if his heart was all but bursting into bloom. Poe ran his hands through his hair, and Ben ran his hands down Poe’s sides, feeling the contrast of Poe’s slight frame with his soft hips. Poe moaned into his mouth, and Ben loved the vibration, the sound. When they broke away, Ben was already aroused, aching, wanting. Even feeling Poe’s body underneath his hands was enough to make him want more. So much more. Poe, his beautiful former rival...

”I want you.” Ben managed to say, and Poe nodded. “Do we have time?”

Ben sighed. “We should probably get to breakfast.”

Breakfast passed, and then practice out in the training center. Even practicing with Rose, Ben had to say he was impressed — she was good. Incredibly good, actually. She even managed to knock him down during the match. Even getting to his feet, Ben clapped her on the shoulder. “You’re good,” he said. 

Rose grinned. “I’ve practiced,” she said. “A lot.”

“Well, definitely keep it up, Rose. We’re going to be driving them back in no time.”

”We will,” Rose said.

It was in the showers that Ben washed off the sweat from his sparring match with Rose. Even as he did, he couldn’t help but think that he and Poe hadn’t quite finished what they started in the tent. He thought of how Poe’s body felt, and he wondered what it would feel like, skin against skin. He pictured tasting it, pictured Poe’s moan. He knew Poe had had other lovers in the past, in the military, but he wanted to surpass those lovers. It was impossible, he was a virgin himself and had never had a lover, and yet he thought about it even as he soaped his body, trailed hands along his nipples. Maybe he would worship even the parts of Poe’s body he was self-conscious about, let them know that they were something to be cherished, not worried over. 

Ben moved towards his belly, then his shaft, and had to suppress moans all the while so no one would hear — the shower walls were thin, after all. He bit his lip, trying to suppress moans, until finally he came into his hand. 

He cleaned himself up and dressed, only to bump into Poe, who looked all but fascinated. “The tent,” he said. “Now.”

Ben could not deny him. Even in the tent, though, he felt pricklings of embarrassment even as he looked at Poe. “You heard all of it?”

”It sounded like you were holding yourself back, but yes.”

”Poe,” Ben said. “Forgive me...”

”There’s nothing to be sorry about. Believe me, it’s natural. And I want you so badly.”

”I should have known.” Ben sighed. “I just remember others thinking that what my body did was disgusting.”

”Then they’re stupid. What were you thinking about?”

”I want to finish what we started in the tent,” Ben said. “I want to please you.” He wet his lips. “But I’ve never been with anyone.”

”I’ll tell you how, then. It’s just knowing the person. Knowing what they like. I’ll just help you along."

Ben’s breath hitched. Poe was teaching Ben about Poe’s body, that beautiful body Ben wanted so badly. Ben didn’t know where to start even as Poe undressed for him, teasing him, all but taunting him. His shaft ached between his legs, tending against his pants, and he felt indecent all the while, but gods, his arousal was killing him. He undressed, and Poe looked at him with his eyes half-hooded.

”Oh my sweet, beautiful prince,” he said. “You’re just a mess, aren’t you?”

Ben paused. He was a mess, a mess of arousal and craving and wanting. “Poe...”

”Just sit back and let me please you.” 

Poe teased him, kissing down his neck and chest, teasing his nipples to hardness, eliciting a delighted response from Ben. He hadn’t thought his body would react so well to Poe’s ministrations and yet he wanted more. His arousal ached, and he bucked his hips urgently, gasping, moaning. 

“What do you need, love?” Poe said. 

“Touch me. Anything. Please.”

Poe moved down towards Ben’s shaft, before saying, “I was thinking of using my mouth, Ben. Is that all right?”

”Please.” Ben said, and then Poe swallowed around his shaft, warm wetness enveloping it. Gods, it felt so good, so warm, Poe’s tongue stimulating it, his hand palming Ben’s testicles, and Ben gripped the sheets for purchase. Oh, it felt so good, so perfect, he could burst...

”Poe. Poe!”

Poe drew off Ben’s shaft, and Ben couldn’t help but feel disappointed that the feeling was gone, but he wasn’t about to choke Poe with copious amounts of his own seed. 

“What is it?”

”I’m going to come. I need to come. But I don’t want to hurt you.”

Poe nodded. “It’s all right,” he said. “I can take it.”

Ben nodded, and Poe returned to his ministrations, until Ben was coursing down his throat, crying out his name. Poe drew off, wiping his mouth, and Ben shivered as he came down from his orgasm. He would fall asleep right then and there, but he knew that he had to give Poe pleasure too. 

“Let me please you,” he said, “Let me satisfy you.”

”Please,” Poe said, and Ben found himself nuzzling and licking Poe’s neck, sucking on it, much to the knight’s delight. A kiss to his shoulder, a lick to his nipple, and Poe groaned. Experimentally, Ben sucked on Poe’s nipples, kissed them, and Poe bucked into his ministrations. When Ben moved lower towards his stomach, Poe sucked it in, only for Ben to whisper to him to relax. 

“Let me worship you,” Ben said, his voice a soft growl. “You’ve kept that beautiful body of yours all but constrained under layers and layers of clothes. Your stomach, your legs, your chest. Let me worship you.”

He kissed Poe’s middle, nuzzled and licked it, and Poe arched into his ministrations with an urgent moan. 

“Gods, I need you so much,” Ben murmured to him. 

“I need you, I need you.” Poe arched and pressed and trembled, bucking against Ben before Ben moved towards his shaft. He said, “I want to use my mouth” and Poe said, “Please, Ben, please.”

Taking Poe into his mouth was difficult, admittedly. It was a matter of starting with the head and mimicking what he felt Poe do. Just feeling Poe’s hands gently petting his hair and hearing Poe’s voice pleading for more was intoxicating. Hearing Poe’s praise was intoxicating. He lapped and licked and sucked, tasting Poe, knowing that this was his essence, this was him.

”Ben!”

Ben drew off Poe’s shaft and looked up at him where he was gasping. “Are you all right?”

”I’m going to come,” Poe said. “Unless you want a face full of — ’’

”Please.” Ben said. “Come inside me.”

”All right.”

Ben knelt back down and took Poe into his mouth again, and when Poe did come, Ben swallowed it down like it was the best thing worth tasting. 

Ben drew off him, and Poe pulled him into an embrace, Ben nestling in his arms. Poe kissed his head, nuzzled his hair. “Gods, you did so well,” Poe said. “You really did. You made me so happy, Ben.”

”Anything,” Ben said. “Anything.”

They snuggled together, and Ben trailed his hands over Poe’s belly. “I didn’t really get to properly tell you how I love it.” he said. 

“Mmmmm?” Poe just seemed to purr a bit with Ben’s hands on his stomach.

“It doesn’t just suit you. It’s like it fits you. It’s not even that much, but it’s adorable...”

They snuggled up next to each other even as the both of them drifted off to sleep. 

 

 

 


	21. Evacuation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An evacuation, and some healing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Special thanks to MidgardianNerd for the idea.

The sounds of screaming in the morning woke them both up. They got to their feet, got dressed, and ran outside to help. In front of them were more soldiers — Hux wasn’t there this time, but instead a silver armored figure with a helmet covering their head. Ben doubted he could tell who the figure was — and even as Poe flung himself in front of the prince to duel the figure, Ben’s chest clenched. Damn Poe. He didn’t have to be heroic, but damn him.

They fought, sword against a strange double-bladed weapon that Ben hadn’t seen before, all as Ben assisted, flinging bursts of magic at the figure. The figure fell, unconscious, and with a few more bursts of magic, the other soldiers around her fell too. 

It didn’t mean that it was over, though. There were so many wounded, so many dead as well. They had to bury the dead and treat the wounded. 

When Ben suggested his uncle’s castle, General Holdo said, “Are you sure about this?”

Ben nodded. “The ride to King Luke’s castle is going to be a hard one,” he said, “But it’s our best chance.”

***

It was the moment they rode up to the Skywalker kingdom that Ben was already nervous about the outcome, already nervous about what was going to happen next. The last time he had interacted with his uncle, it had been thoroughly unpleasant and had ended with Ben tearing up the letter. He didn’t see any reason why this would be any different, actually. 

“Don’t worry," Liana said, “We have your back.”

The other warriors murmured in assent, and Ben felt an unexpected sort of warmth spread through him. Maybe that was what it was like, to belong. 

Ben knocked on the door, and it was then that King Luke himself answered it. His eyes glided critically over Ben’s facial scar, even as Poe took his hand. Ben was grateful in that moment; it was like a source of embarrassment, seeing his uncle examining his facial scar like it was some ugly, shameful thing. 

Then Ben spoke. “I know that I’m the last person you want to see,” he said. “But we need your help. We’ve got countless wounded soldiers — '’

”Wounded?” Luke said. “Ben, what have you done? How can you be so irresponsible?”

Silence. Ben almost couldn’t find his words. It was almost like being a child again, except children weren’t typically in charge of armies. 

“What did I tell you?” Luke said. “I told you that you would doom the kingdom, doom us all. Tell me, Ben, are you satisfied?”

Those words stung. Ben took a deep breath. It was amazing how he could still feel like a disobedient child in his uncle’s presence, but he said, “I never intended anything like that. I was trying to save lives, Uncle. I know that you’re not familiar with it, but still — ’’

”I am familiar with saving lives, Ben,” Luke said. 

“Then why haven’t you done anything?"

Silence. 

“I’ve been careful, Ben. Very careful."

”So careful that you couldn’t help those in need? That’s why I went, Uncle. To help people. I didn’t go for personal glory, I didn’t go for egotism. I went because I couldn’t bear to have anyone else killed. Because I couldn’t bear to see the Organa kingdom be all but burned to the ground.” Silence, Ben paused for breath. “That answer your question, uncle?”

Luke was silent. Then he said, “Maybe you do have good intentions, Ben. But that doesn’t mean you’re making the right decision.”

”What’s the alternative?” Ben said. 

“Something better than this,” Luke said. 

Silence. “Can you help us, uncle?”

”I’ll do what I can,” Luke said. 

***

It was even as they assisted in healing the wounded that Poe had a chance to talk to Luke’s daughter, Rey. They’d both overheard the argument between Luke and Ben, and Rey wasn’t happy, to say the least. 

“He didn’t have to do that,” she said. Even as they walked around, Rey using her magic (along with Ben and Luke) to heal the soldiers, Poe using his skills at medical care, Rey seemed to be more than slightly irked despite her affection for her cousin. “It’s just like with his mother! He thinks that he can just treat family like that and get away with it...”

”His family doesn’t really seem to like him much,” Poe said. “Besides you and the king, that is.”

”That’s ridiculous,” Rey said. “Of course they love him! He just doesn’t notice — “

”You weren’t there.” Poe could at least give her that; she hadn’t seen how Ben had been humiliated and put down at the hands of those who were supposed to protect him. She’d mostly seen Ben occasionally, and so she hadn’t seen how life went on in the court. “You didn’t see it. If they love him, Rey, why does he hate himself?”

Silence. It was clear that Rey hadn’t heard of any of this. “They probably didn’t do it on purpose.”

”Maybe not. I mean, maybe they didn’t get out of bed wondering how they could hurt the prince today, but they seem to think he’s a spoiled child without just cause!” Poe ran a hand through his hair. “Gods, he deserves so much more...” Poe could already picture it, feather beds and jewelry and so much more. 

“He acts like a spoiled child — ’’

”He doesn’t. He’s a good man, Rey. I love him.” Silence. “Gods, I love him.”

And that...that was the utmost truth. 

***

They retired for the night, and it was time to change Ben’s bandage, again. 

Now that they were in a relationship, Poe didn’t have to feel embarrassed for staring at his lover even as he undressed to change the bandage. He swallowed; even looking at Ben, he could relish in how well-built he was. The well-defined abdominal muscles, the hint of a soft belly beneath, the strong, muscular arms and broad chest. 

“Sorry,” Poe said. “You’re just...so beautiful. And by the gods, don’t say you’re not, because you are the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.”

Ben hesitated. Then, with a smile, “Have you had many lovers?”

”They don’t compare to you.”

They changed the bandage. Ben’s scar on his arm was healing, but it would always be there as a testament to his first time on the battlefield. Poe caressed a pectoral, kissed the scar on Ben’s face, and the prince relaxed under the affection. 

“You really like it, don’t you?” Ben said. 

“Yes.” In the end, that was all that Poe could think of to say. 

“It’s not exactly lovely — “

Poe kissed it again. “Don’t say that.”

They lay down, and Poe sighed in contentment  even as Ben drew him against his body. Ben’s body was so warm and soft and big that Poe felt safe with him. Ben nuzzled him lightly, and Poe sighed in contentment. They drifted off into sleep, and Poe could take comfort in Ben’s presence, his arms around him. Gods, Ben deserved so much. And Poe knew that he would give it to him however possible no matter what. 

 

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has a nightmare, and Snoke plots.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

_— war, chaos, fire everywhere, smoke all but choking Ben even as he inhaled —_

_— “You were always meant to be Kylo Ren. You can’t hide who you are.” —_

_— his sword, cleaving through a member of his own side —_

— and Ben jolted awake, looking frantically around the room. Poe jolted with him, and turned to look at him. “Ben? What was it?”

Ben paused. He could have sworn for a moment that there was a third person in the room, watching them. He took out a lantern, but there was no one there. No one but him and Poe. Thank the gods. 

He slumped back in bed, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself. 

“It was just a nightmare,” he said. “A really bad one.”

”Do you want to talk about it?” Poe said. 

How was he even supposed to explain it to someone as fundamentally wonderful as Poe? The fact that he was likely doomed...

Or was it just a bad dream? It seemed so very real in that moment, so very vivid. 

“I think something bad’s going to happen to me,” he said. 

“What do you mean?”

Ben swallowed. “Just...something bad.”

”Ben,” Poe said, “You’re a terrible liar.”

”I’m not lying! I just don’t want to tell you because then you’ll...gods, Poe, what will you think of me?”

Ben’s voice cracked and he had to look away. Then he felt Poe’s arms around him, drawing him in close, and there was something about those arms that was so comforting, so warm, that for a moment, he felt protected. Safe. 

“There’s nothing that could happen that could make me love you less,” Poe said, and in that moment, in that warmth, Ben believed it. He knew that he would never be able to kill his own side. His own people. And yet...it seemed that the shadow of Kylo Ren loomed over him, beckoning him to give in. 

***

In the shadows, Snoke listened over the bond that he had formed with the prince when he was but a child. It had been after that bond had formed that the prince’s mother, being the self-righteous sort she was, had been afraid of him. He hated the Queen — one-dimensional, cruel, unable and unwilling to understand. 

But her son...

Her son was better than the rest. In a way, he was Snoke’s too. It had been a simple long-distance manipulation of the child in the womb, giving over some of his abilities. Some would call it monstrous. Snoke had done his share of things in the name of balance and security that others would call monstrous. He called them necessary. All of them were necessary, completely. All things served _ren_. 

For now, Poe Dameron was holding him back. That was not what Snoke expected. And even that was enough to make him wonder what the prince saw in him, an arrogant spoiled portrait of favoritism that the Queen somehow saw something in too. Then again, the Queen was unworthy and rotten to the core as well, so maybe they matched. The spoiled, selfish, betraying, cowardly, arrogant, unloving woman wanting to relive her days of glory where she gave out awards for mass murder.

The key was winning the prince over to his side. The question was how. 

Snoke sat back and contemplated the possibilities of what could be. Could he try to corrupt Dameron?

That would be perfect. And something to prove to the Queen, that even the most perfect and incorruptible could be broken. 

He would need stealth for this, of course. At the same time, coming out of the shadows. Both Hux and Phasma were no Darth Vader. But Ben...he would be perfect.

He summoned Paxis Ren to the chamber. There was an important mission to undergo. He could only hope that Paxis could succeed where others had failed. 


	23. Nightfall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Poe are kidnapped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Paxis Ren was no stranger to infiltration. He had done it before, after all. Even as he climbed up the open window, he could not help but think back to his own castle, when he had still been accepted among others. He was accepted among the Knights of Ren, of course, but even so...

There was no time to dwell on the past, of course. Paxis climbed through the window and waved his hand. It would prolong their slumber until they reached Lord Snoke’s castle. 

It was on the way out that a guard accosted Paxis. Calmly, Paxis waved his hand. “You will allow me to pass, and forget you ever saw me.”

It was an old spell, but it was useful in times such as this. And as the guard complied with Paxis’ request, Paxis climbed on his horse, the two prone bodies strapped to it, and galloped away. 

***

Snoke was alone in his throne room when Paxis returned, all but galloping into the throne room with two prone figures tied to his back. Snoke rose from his seat and walked over to Paxis. 

“You brought both of them?” Snoke said. “Not my orders, Paxis, but that will do well enough.”

"What are you going to do with them, my lord?” Paxis said, and if Snoke didn’t know better, he swore there was a hint of concern there. 

“I’m going to show them the truth of our ways,” Snoke said. “They’ve been running from this truth for too long. Now...now it is time to tell them.”

***

When Ben awoke, his head was already fuzzy, and the room around him seemed like a dark prison, closing him in, circling him in, constraining him. Where was he? And Poe wasn’t there, where was Poe? Was he well?  

“Sir Poe has been unharmed,” a voice rumbled from the shadows. It sounded calming, amiable, even fatherly. The voice could be somebody’s father. And yet Ben doubted he could feel more afraid. 

Ben jolted. Already, he wished he had his sword on him. “Who are you?” he said. 

“In the words of the great Lord Revan, who I am is not important. My message is.” A pause. “My name is Snoke, if that is so important to you.”

Ben could have sworn his blood turned to ice. He was in the hands of the author of this war, the monster commanding them all. 

Ben swallowed. “Why don’t you come into the light? Or are you too scared to do so?”

”I assure you, Your Highness, I fear nothing. But a small, insignificant request as yours is easily granted.”

Snoke materialized from the shadows, and it was then that Ben could see him more clearly. He was tall, as tall as Chewie actually, and wore long, sweeping gold robes that seemed almost like wizard’s robes, Ben thought. He was no doubt some sort of wizard, some sort of practitioner, perhaps like Uncle Luke? His eyes were a piercing, dissecting blue, but most remarkable were the scars on his face. A scar running down the middle of his head, multiple scars on his face including one near his mouth...there was something about all this where it seemed all of his flesh was cracked and scarred. 

“You expected a monster?” Snoke said, and even his voice, Ben thought, sounded more like a snake’s hiss than anything else. 

“I was...” Ben swallowed. He wasn’t expecting a frail-looking, scarred old man who looked like he’d lived for thousands of years. Give or take a few. 

“You don’t know your own world, do you, Your Highness?” Snoke looked thoughtful. “Of course, I can change my appearance whenever I wish. I thought that I would show you my true form. Honesty is the best way to start in matters such as this.”

”What do you want with me?” Ben said. 

“It’s not a matter of what I want, but what you need.”

”Spare me the riddles,” Ben said. 

“Is your situation not dismal, Ben? Rejected by those in your kingdom, even your own mother — though monster is a more apt word for her, is it not? A woman who gives out rewards for mass murder, a woman who once was willing to sacrifice another village if it meant hers would be spared.”

Ben could have sworn that Snoke couldn’t have hurt him more if he stabbed him. “She said — ’’

” — no doubt many things that made her look the sainted mother,” Snoke said. “The sorts of things that made her look the martyr and your father helpless.” A beat. “Never mind they were both fools.”

”My father is nothing like that!” Even as he spoke, Ben remembered how he had, when he was ten years old, gotten into a brawl with James Nichos after the latter insulted his father, calling him a petty thief. 

“But your mother, now...what has she done for you except hate you?”

Ben looked up at Snoke, feeling every moment of pain in his childhood suddenly flood back in one crushing wave. 

“Your Highness,” Snoke said, “Let us talk.”

 

 


	24. Old Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snoke explains everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Trigger warning for discussion of child abuse. If this disturbs you, turn back now.

Ben sat across from Snoke, and he knew that he was good as in the hands of a monster. Someone whose motivations no doubt defied sanity, defied sense. 

Snoke was the first to speak. “You ask me what I want with you, Ben. I want you to join me.”

”Join you?” Ben laughed in disbelief. “You must be joking! I would never join a terrorist like you.”

Snoke’s eyes narrowed. “What do you know of terrorism, Your Highness? Nothing.”

”I’ve seen what you’ve done — “

”Have you?” Snoke said. “Have you ever been awoken to the sound of screams, the sound of cannon fire? Have you ever fled soldiers, hid until their footsteps went away? Have you ever wondered as a child how you would die?”

Ben swallowed. Snoke...had somehow been through all this?

”Did you...?”

”Your Highness, I remember everything. Your mother — she knows nothing of such things. Up until she was nineteen, she lived a relatively sheltered life. She never would have known about everything I tried to do.” Silence. “The best thing I can do is start from the beginning, with a boy. A boy who lived in the city of Milara, which was embroiled in horrible attacks by the terrorist Venkar. You wish to speak of terrorism, Your Highness? You know nothing about terrorism. Come with me and I’ll show you.”

Ben obliged, and as he and Snoke crossed over to the window, Snoke gestured towards the burnt landscape. 

“Venkar’s handiwork,” he said. “The fires burn still. The boy lived in fear of those fires for many years. He lived in an orphanage where every form of abuse imaginable was inflicted upon him until he was thirteen and ran away to join a group of magicians. But even the magicians disappointed him. When they refused to help Milara, the boy came home — and that was when he remembered what the orphanage did to him.” A pause. “The light under the door...it’s something that he forgot at the time, but remembered later.”

”Dear gods.” Ben could already infer what had happened. What followed. 

“The boy — the man, I should say, defeated Venkar. But his work was not done. He had to keep Milara safe, and he was punished for it. These scars...” Snoke gestured to his own face. “A former friend, that who he considered kin, gave them to him. Punishment for defending Milara. My city, my empire...it is something I would defend to my own death.”

Ben swallowed. He didn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry,” he said. “It shouldn’t have happened to you.”

"I do not tell you this for pity, but for you to understand why I do what I do. My city has suffered in poverty and desolation for years. I am only defending it. Expanding it.”

”There has to be a better way,” Ben said. “You can’t build an empire on the backs of innocent deaths!”

”You do not believe that your mother did the same? Your uncle? There weren’t just monsters trapped in that base that your uncle burned down. And even the monsters had families. Of course your uncle would deny it, being the spoiled puerile child he is...”

”He had his — “

”Did he?”

”I don’t see how you’re any better,” Ben said. “I mean...I know you’re trying to save your kingdom. But you’re going about it the wrong way.”

”Am I?” Snoke said. “You’ll change your mind soon enough, Your Highness. You’ll see.”

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Greatness is from within](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12387051) by [MidgardianNerd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidgardianNerd/pseuds/MidgardianNerd)
  * [We'll make it right for you](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12517520) by [MidgardianNerd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidgardianNerd/pseuds/MidgardianNerd)
  * [What is past is prologue](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12586700) by [MidgardianNerd](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidgardianNerd/pseuds/MidgardianNerd)




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